Shame

Now that we just got our OSCE stems, everyone seems to be studying hard more than ever which makes me feel even worse..but for no reason, I still don't feel the rush..
It worries me that I haven't started studying seriously but strangely enough, it doesn't push me into doing something..
I'm gonna write in this blog the reasons why I can't fail this exam..after putting some thoughts into it, the utmost reason is because of the SHAME...

1. how am I going to tell my mom that I failed?
2. how am I (or my mom) going to tell my cousins, aunties n uncles that I'm not graduating by the end of 2010 (maybe I should have told everyone in the first place that MBBS at Monash is a 6-year course)
3. how's my mom gonna tell her friends?
4. how am I gonna tell my STF friends?my UTP friends?KMB friends?
5. Prof Smith will also check on our progress..I am always inspired by him, and I really dont want him to look down on me. I dont think Wai Ee or Linda will know if I failed..but what if I failed n nx yr I'm in their tute again and I don't improve...
6. how am I gonna face my monash friends?
7. If I were to repeat 3rd yr, I can't skip class anymore! Michelle Leech, Andrea Paul etc will always be on my toes
8. I can't enjoy my semester break which I have it all planned out.
9. I can't buy stuff that I promised myself to buy if I passed with flying colours..
10. I lose another year of working.
11. I have to get married even later.
12. I will regret all the time I spent doing nothing productive.
I'm sure there are a lot more reasons but that's all I can think of now..

I hope, by writing this out I will commit to studying!