New rotation

it has been almost a week since my last entry...i've been thinking of what to write almost every day when I'm out of the house but didn't get to do the writing itself when I'm home..instead, I play Mafia Wars...and I organize my life around it...e.g: I postpone my bedtime in order to wait for the energy or stamina needed to get into the next level...I wouldn't go to sleep because the next time I wake up, I would have too many energy which would go wasted as I only need a few more..all the energy & stamina will be refilled once I get to a new level...(I know2...I'm being stupid...but this is me...that's what I do when I'm addicted to something)



I'm starting on a new rotation this week..I will be doing paediatrics for the next 9 weeks...(good bye vaginas, uterus, breasts etc)..I'm attached to Frankston hospital which is very new to me..I'm pretty scared as I'm not familliar with the hospital, my newgroupmates and as much as I love kids, I'm not sure if I'm competent to communicate with children..I wouldn't be worried talking to them in Malay but I have a limited vocabulary when it comes to colloquial English...



I'm gonna continue writing this entry in Malay (so much for wanting to improve my English) as aku nk bercerite pasal bdak2 yg buat rotation same ngan aku nih....in case kalo diorg google name diorg sendirik n terjumpe plak aku punye blog...aku just nk tules ape 1st impression aku terhadap diorg...kitorg sume skali ade 6 org...Jon, Vik, Gila, Jess, Kush & aku...

1) Jon: mat salleh yg kacak, tinggi (6ft 4), suke senyum, peramah, sopan santun & nmpk cam agak laid-back...die mmg jenis yg sgt charming ngan sume org...smp makcik jual coffee kat cafe tuh pon bleh knal die (last yr die attached to this hospital gak)...die juge sgt gentleman, mmg jenis yg akan bukakkan pintu & suro ppuan sume jln dulu...aku yakin the nurses wouldnt give him a hard time!

2)Vik: mamat nih Indian...so far aku x berjaye lg utk suke kat mamat nih..let's see if perception aku akan berubah...die pon tinggi gak (6ft+)..sopan santun tp jenis yg nmpk cam lembut...mmg nmpk x macho abes aa...gelak pon ala2 ppuan...die agak dikenali aa dlm batch kitorg sbb die jenis yg suke mencapub & involve dlm med student nye clubs...aku pnah ade experience yg x bape best sgt ngan die, mase aku tgk org bersalin anak kembar tuh die dtg menyebok...pastu since aku dok kat dlm suite dr pkol 8am n die plak pkol 1pm br dtg, doctor tuh suro aku stay...die plak cam bengang sbb aku yg dpt tgk lalu die mintak ngan aku bleh x aku tgk 1st twin & die tgk second...ape barang???ade plak nk share camtuh..mane der org blaja sparuh2...of course laa aku terpakse setuju...pastu the next day aku dgr sorang bdak med nih bercerite pasal incident aku ngan Vik kat delivery suite tuh...maybe die bercerite sbb die bengang ngan doctor (bukan ngan aku) yg x kasik 2 org med students in the suite at one time tp still aku x bape suke aa...pastu plak bile aku jumpe si Vik nih again kat Frankston die cam kerek plak ngan aku...bile kitorg tukar2 no hp, die x bother pon nk amek no aku...maybe because die malas nk kuarkan hp n no org lain sume die dh ade..tp still...kesimpulannye aku mmg x suke aa kat die...

3)Gila: seorang minah yahudi (Y) yg paling lebai aa dlm semua minah2 Y dlm batch aku...ramai org x suke kat die sbb die jenis yg suke bertanye smp menyebabkan tute abes lambat...aku x pnah same tute ngan die lg sblom nih....tp aku dgr die mmg baik pon..cume aku mmg syak wasangka terhadap kaum itu...stakat nih die mmg paling byk berckp ngan aku...among the girls aku paling suke die aaa..

4)Jess: sorang lg minah Y...ade org kate die agak sombong...maybe sbb muke die kot yg macam kene senyum br nmpk mesra...die nih Y yg x mengamalkan ajaran sgt..baju die pon agak x menutup aurat...x cam Gila yg slalu pakai skirt labuh tuh...ade ke si Gila tuh mintak tukar roster sbb die ade perayaan agama minggu depan, pastu si Jess nih plak volunteer nk ganti..x ke die patot beraye gak...ahahhaha...aku rase ok je kot Jess nih...jumaat nih aku akan pegi paeds surg consultation ngan die..maybe kitorg akan bonding aa kot time tuh..

5)Kush:nih indian gak...or maybe Sri Lankan...minah nih aku pnah same clinical skills tute mase 2nd yr....tp aku x rase die ingt name aku...maybe sbb aku byk skip tute..n time aku dtg die plak skip...aku x bape suke style die ckp gedik2 tuh...pastu plak die baik ngan Vik...

Anyway, nih first aku dok dlm tute bersame ngan ppuan locals n I'm the tallest among the girls...klaka laa jugak tgk dlm our group, the guys sume tinggi2..girls pendek2...




I don't know if paediatrics is my thing or not...we'll see in the next 9 weeks!!

Inspiration

Yesterday I attended the launching of MUSIG (Monash University Surgical Interest Group)...I wasn't successful in persuading my housemates to go but finally Safwan gave in to my persuasiveness...n Safwan managed to get Beh & Hazwan to go as well...yayy!!I wouldn't be going if I don't have any companies...even though the talk wasn't really relevant to me as they were focusing on how to get into surgical training in Australia (as of now, there's about 70% chance that I'm going home after I graduate) but I just feel that I need something to inspire me...something to remind me again of what I should become in the future...
One of the speakers is non other than my tutor, Prof Julian A. Smith, the surgical guru himself (he's like Richard Webber (the chief) in Grey's Anatomy)...Prof Smith's 4th slide was titled "A Career for Woman"....he, as well as other presenters stressed to us that surgery is no more a male territory...women can combine their surgical career with family life and we can also make it to the top...
The program only lasted for one n a half hour but it definitely inspires me....Even though it wasn't my heartiest choice doing medicine in the first place, but I know once I'm in it, there's no turning back...I've been pretty mediocre throughout my medical course...but I don't want to be a mediocre doctor...I should be an outstanding one or none at all!!

Autograph

Today has been one of the most happiest day of my life as I had the opportunity to meet some of the F1 drivers...I actually intended to go to the Autograph Stage to get Alonso's autograph but I made the wrong judgment (again!) by arriving only 30mins before Alonso's scheduled session started...there were about 500 people lining up in front of me...most of them were hoping to get the Ferraris & Hamilton's autographs which were actually even later than Alonso's session..I should have come straight to the circuit after I woke up...I shouldn't bother spending too much time thinking of what to wear...(I don't have any t-shirts or tops in shades of orange or yellow or aquamarine...although I actually bought some fabrics in those colours a few weeks and I intended to make them into t-shirts that I can wear during this weekend but in the end..I don't have the time for sewing!!)...
I arrived at the V8 Supercars Paddock Club at 1230pm and Alonso was scheduled to be there at 1pm-125pm..only he was only there for 10mins...I couldn't describe how I felt when I first saw him...It was like seeing your biggest crush ever...or maybe the love of your life..aahahhaha...Even though I didn't manage to get his signature, I'm happy to capture a few pictures of him..(thanks to my 300mm lense)...I like this one best!!

Alonso threw his cap when he was about to leave the stage!!He's the only F1 driver who did that!!(I know...I know...my hero is the coolest guy in the paddock)

We had 1hour 30 mins in between the Renault's & McLaren's session for lunch but of course...no one would leave their spots...It wasn't until 4pm++ when the Ferrari drivers arrived... I knew I would definitely get their signatures as I was only about 5meters away from the stage at that time...I had Massa to sign his autograph on my lanyard & Kimi on a paper (ahahahah...just a plain A4 paper)...I managed to get their photos when they were signing the autographs for me..



It was worthwhile after all queuing under the direct sunlight for almost 4 hours...Apart from these guys, I got to see Sutil, Fisichella, Barrichello, Mark, Vettel, Lewis & Heikki...I could have met the STR's & toyota's drivers but I was so tired that I decided to leave...

It was fun listening to other F1 fanatics talking about their experience meeting the drivers...I heard one guy saying that if he couldn't get the autograph today, he would wait at the main entrance or carpark for 18hours...ahahaha..

I also make friend with a good-looking Columbian guy (although his pimple caught my attention most..felt like draining the pus out!!)...he was there all by himself as well, queuing next to me...he asked me if he could get me to take his photo if we managed to get to the stage..(I thought of asking for the same favour from him too!)...he's Alonso & Hamilton's fan...I pitied him as he couldn't get Hamilton's signature..he missed him by 10seconds...(I dont like Hamilton, but I understand how does it feel to almost have your chance)


PS: I will try to accomplish my mission again next yr!!
PSS: I'm convinced that I'm the only person with a headscarf at the circuit today!

Unconditional Love

I woke up this morning(if u call 1145am is morning) thinking of my mom...
Partly because I've been reading other people's blog talking about their parents...
But the main reason is because of my encounter with my dad's cousin yesterday...someone whom I might have met some 20years ago...and never since..
To those who doesn't know, my parents split up when I was 5(I think)... and I haven't seen much of my dad ever since...I wouldn't blame my parents for this but if I were to point a finger, I have to say it's more of my dad's family's fault...nevertheless, I believe what happened was for the best...I thank my mom for never makes us feel inadequate....I couldn't ask for more from her...
And my dad, I know he wasn't himself when everything happened and he still wasn't the complete person he used to be even now...
Since I don't know most of my relatives on my dad's side...and because I know they weren't nice to my mom when my parents were together and god knows what they might have talked behind my mom's back, I felt it was always confronting to be around them...
Yesterday, I was asked by my dad's cousin's wife if my mom remarried? and I tried to be as composed as I can and I answered politely, "No"....she went on saying that she went for a meeting in Terengganu some 4 yrs ago and she was told that my mom is married to a contractor...I was like, what??We weren't even in Terengganu, my mom was the vice principal in MRSM Langkawi at that time...I was mad at how people can made such things up even when it was so untrue...even if she's married, then what?even at 52, she's hot & single...she has every right to get married again....even my dad remarries and last time I checked he has 3 children...
Anyway, the husband then continued giving advice to me about how I should make efforts to go and see my dad...he was surprised when I told him that my sisters went to visit my dad last Eid...I didn't because I was in Melbourne...he even joked, "Who knows, you might be posted to GHKB when you become a doctor and then you can stay with your dad, he lives close to the hospital"...everyone who knows me would know how much I want to be with my mom...certainly I wouldn't be applying to work in KB....(unless my mom works in KB or I'm married to a Kelantanese...which hopefully won't happen)...
I hate it when people try to talk me into seeing my dad more often...some would say, "whatever it is, U should realize that U won't be here because of him" and some would push even further by saying, "U know when U wanna get married, U will need your dad as wali"...Ohh please people, I'm a mature adult...I would know that...even if I haven't seen my dad for years I would want my future husband to seek my dad's approval...I wouldn't marry someone that he disapproves...even though I would want my mom's approval more than his...(no question about my mom's place in my heart compared to his)...
Nonetheless, from the meeting yesterday, I discovered something about myself..I have Afghan blood in me...I was told that my great-grandfather is an Afghan jeweler who had 49 wives(I doubt that!)...as Asma' put it,"that explains your taste for middle-eastern looking guy"....ahahhahaha...
Talking about my mom makes me misses her more but talking about my dad doesn't really make me feel that way...It's not that I don't love him, of course I do...he's my dad...sometimes when I see a diabetic patient, I wonder how he's managing himself, being the headstrong him..(I'm pretty sure talking him into giving up sweet foods is gonna be tough)..I do think of seeing him every time I go home but often, I delay it till I don't have much time left and I end up not going at all..I make sure that it will be one of my to-do-list the next time I'm in Malaysia...
I think I'm gonna call my mom after this to report on what happened yesterday..hopefully I can reach her...It's always hard trying to reach her as we live in MRSM Besut where reception is terrible...I'm always excited when I heard the ringing instead of the monotonous, "this is the voice mailbox for the number...zero-one-nine-two-six-four-five-eight-eight-nine...you can leave your message after the tone"....I hate that voice!!


PS, I love you!

Breaking Bad News

....is part of our clinical skill modules since we were in first yr MBBS...
no matter how many times they teach us and how many tips they gave us...I wonder if it ever gonna be any easier with practice...
I sat with Dr Manolitsas in the consulting room at the Gynaecological Oncology Clinic last wednesday...
Most of the things he did was attending to patients' follow up appointments....there were patients treated for cervical cancer, endometrial cancer, vulval intraepithelial neoplasia as well as ovarian cancer...it was good day that all of the examination findings was found to be normal (apart from tests that had to be sent for pathology)...
until there was a patient who was referred from Ballarat (Ballarat is 2 hours away from where we are)...she came with her husband and daughter...after examining her, Dr Manolitsas also explained to her about the results of her repeat tumour marker test...which in combination tells that her cancer has returned...Dr Manolitsas said that he could organize her to undergo PET scan which would give more information about the spread of her cancer and guide further management(whether she could benefit from surgery)...he also told her that chances are, she might have to resort to chemotherapy anyway which she could otherwise start ASAP even without the PET scan...whichever she chose to do, it's not an emergency...if the cancer has spread, it has already did...waiting for the PET scan in another 10 days would not make any difference compared to starting on chemotherapy now...
she looked composed at first, but I noticed her daughter's eyes are filled with tears...
as she was about to leave the room, I could see that her face was really red and she was on the verge of tears as well...
Dr Manolitsas waited till the door was shut behind them before he turned to me and said, "there will never gonna be a right way to do this..."
I wonder how many times a gynaecological oncologist like Dr Manolitsas had done this and even he, thinks that it wasn't easy...Will I ever be good at this??



ps: I like Dr Manolitsas, he's good looking, tall, fit...he let me did a pap smear!he also quote from my favourite bridgestone ad, "Sure I'm sure" when a patient asked him if he was sure that everything looks normal...


pss: Maybe I should consider pursuing my career in nuclear medicine...apparently there are only three centres that have PET scan in Victoria...I might be able to set up the first PET scan centre in Terengganu...or in the East Coast of Malaysia...(if there hasn't been any yet by the time I became a specialist)

Foods

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday about how I can't be bothered spending my time cooking starting from this year as I'm getting busy with clinical placements...-not that I shouldn't be when I was in 3rd yr....
I happened to have pictures of some of the simple meals I cooked during weekdays...which will take around 30mins to make...say hello to laziness!!and career women!ahahha

Dedication

This entry is dedicated to my friend, Syorre who can't seem to figure out who Bulan is...

To Syorre, thanks for the treat the other day!